then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize