There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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