I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
