if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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