The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
