Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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