There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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