I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
