she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
