They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
