The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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