thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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