Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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