im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
