you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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