Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
