Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
