dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize