if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Two words: nipple clamps
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