dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
