i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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