Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
