when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
