WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
