I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
