You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
