I think I won the penis lottery.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
