Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
