i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
