I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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