They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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