Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
