i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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