I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so let's talk penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
