gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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