That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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