Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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