Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
