pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize