remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
