I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
