So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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