grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
