we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bring me that man meat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
