69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
