I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
