dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
