my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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