then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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