Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
