12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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