I wish I only lived at night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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