I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
