I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
