There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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