she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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