my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
