I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
