Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
