I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
