I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
